


now that it's over (and i'm sober)

by theskyisblue, tkreyesevandiaz



Series: drunk in love [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Both authors suck at tags, Caring Evan "Buck" Buckley, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Eddie Diaz, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Rated For Mild Sexual Content, Sexual Content, The thirst is very real, Unresolved Sexual Tension, eddie gets wasted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24067714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskyisblue/pseuds/theskyisblue, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz
Summary: Eddie felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue.It was a wildly inappropriate thought, given that they reallyweretrying to rescue this girl from a fly-away hot air balloon, running at it with all the speed their legs could muster.Even digging his heels into the ground and wrapping his hands tightly around one of the drop lines couldn’t stop him from staring slack-jawed at his best friend.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: drunk in love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740730
Comments: 103
Kudos: 996





	now that it's over (and i'm sober)

**Author's Note:**

> tkreyesevandiaz: hey y’all! This is my silver jubilee fic in the 9-1-1 fandom! We managed to throw this together in less than 2 days, we hope you enjoy it! This took off, from something light to a monster. Self-control, who?
> 
> theskyisblue: We hope you enjoy this thrill of a fic :) it was one hell of an experience to write, and to think this all started because of that one [scene](https://buxddie.tumblr.com/post/617248235015340032/thiiiccccc) Zee and I couldn’t seem to stop replaying ;) Petition for more parkour from Evan Buckley please. 
> 
> **TW: Alcohol Mentions, Drunk Almost-Sex, Drunk Confessions, Angst, Language**
> 
> _Warning: this was born after pure thirsting after Evan Buckley, we are not responsible for any injuries should you thirst too hard. Read at your own discretion._

Inspiration gif right below (god, just _look_ at him!) (gif credit is linked in the notes)

* * *

Eddie felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue.

It was a wildly inappropriate thought, given that they really _were_ trying to rescue this girl from a fly-away hot air balloon, running at it with all the speed their legs could muster.

Even digging his heels into the ground and wrapping his hands tightly around one of the drop lines couldn’t stop him from staring slack-jawed at his best friend.

Bobby, Buck and Eddie had been the first to sprint to the ropes, grabbing the nearest ones immediately. The other crews quickly followed suit, swarming to all the others to form one hell of a sight: all of them scrambling to anchor themselves to the ground, struggling to keep themselves from flying away with it.

The second they managed to secure it enough that one person letting go wouldn’t make a difference, Buck was shooting them a cursory _I got it_ , letting go of his rope, sprinting to gain momentum before leaping up and _vaulting himself right into the basket._

It was the single hottest thing he’d seen Buck do in all the two years he’d known him, and there had been _a lot_ of things.

Eddie shook the image of Buck’s forearms flexing in those damned rolled-up sleeves. A spike of fear took hold of him as he focused on the task at hand. The basket was still lifting, taking both Buck and Sophie along with it, even with the other man’s weight and all of them trying to hold the line down.

Bobby and Eddie didn’t think twice before they both jumped onto the sides of the basket, clinging tightly even as their feet lifted off the ground. Eddie gritted his teeth, straining with the struggle to restrain an object nearly eight times his weight. His forearms were burning with the effort to push down onto it, but the mere prospect of something happening to the poor girl and Buck had him motivated to high heaven.

Immediately, Buck had the right rope in his hands and was deflating the balloon, tugging tirelessly on the line. Eddie heaved a sigh of relief as the basket set itself down with minimal rocking, courtesy of more heel-digging and balloon-flattening.

When the basket was no longer in danger of flying away again, Buck hopped out of the basket like he was made to jump over things normal people wouldn’t be able to. Eddie studiously did not pay attention to his damned forearms and those goddamned _gloves._

At this rate, he’d end up _swallowing_ his tongue.

Sophie rushed immediately to jump out, using Buck’s help to get out of the basket as quick as possible. It was jarring to think that she was only a year older than Christopher.

It was always the calls that involved kids that hit a little closer to home for Eddie. Maybe it was because he had one waiting for him at home, or because no kid deserved to be traumatized in that way. Or maybe it was the familiar, scalding terror that soaked parents when they realized their child was in danger. 

It was probably all of the above, if he was being honest.

He’d felt that fear once too, during the tsunami; it had been an unimaginable possibility of Christopher slipping through his hands and suddenly, there was nothing outside his own fear. 

Since then, he held Christopher a few seconds longer every chance he got, trying not to let his kid catch wind of his desperation. And since the tsunami, these calls had gotten tougher too. Not to a point that it incapacitated Eddie’s ability to do his job, but to the point where he pushed orders on those calls to a fault.

Just like he had with Hayden.

Eddie wondered how he’d gotten from drooling after Buck to thinking about his lack of self-preservation when it came to children, but he wiped his mind of the thought, rounding the basket to come stand by his team. He watched the mother-daughter pair with the image of his son in the foreground of his mind, like usual. Briefly, Eddie registered Buck and Bobby’s reassurances to the relieved mother and forced a smile on his own face.

Sophie and her mother clung to one another, the teen briefly letting her mom coddle her before pushing back. Her next words made him smile a little wider, a small pang going through him.

“You’re right, Mom. I do have power, so I think you and Dad should go to therapy.”

Instantly, Eddie had an idea of what they were talking about, the addictive rush of the winning rescue faltering at the thought.

Sophie’s parents were getting divorced.

He was distracted by it with Bobby clapping Buck on the back, congratulating them for a job well-done. Eddie turned to his partner and captain, gesturing to the truck silently. 

Buck shot him a thumbs up _(those arms again)_ while Bobby nodded. The three made their way back to the truck, exchanging excited shouts with the other crew for a job well-done.

This time, he wound up sitting across from Buck as the firetruck rumbled its way down the mountain. His best friend was practically vibrating from the adrenaline, and his face was flushed in a way it didn’t usually get after calls.

Perhaps it was Buck’s own instincts when it came to kids. God knows that man would move heaven and hell to make sure any kid was okay, which was still kind of hypocritical for Eddie to think considering he’d been musing about his own protective instincts.

Without warning, Eddie’s thoughts shifted to what Sophia had said.

_"I think you and Dad should go to therapy."_

A very small part of him couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how him and Shannon would’ve ended up, if not for the accident. If Christopher would say something similar, had he found out that his mom had asked his dad for a divorce.

Eddie had been so ready to at least _try_ and make it up to her, to try and make their marriage work. But the truth was, he stopped seeing her as his wife six months after she’d left. A darker part of his mind sometimes liked to remind him that maybe it was even before that. No matter how guilty the thought made him feel, at some point, Shannon had shifted from being ‘Eddie’s wife’ to just ‘Christopher’s mother.’ 

Eddie didn’t notice Buck watching him until he felt a nudge on his foot.

“You okay?” Buck mouthed, staring at him with that assessing look. Like always, Eddie nodded and instantly regretted it, already predicting Buck’s next move.

As if on cue, that _infuriating_ eyebrow lifted skeptically, bringing back all that cocky swagger and effectively distracting Eddie from whatever he’d been thinking about. There was one particular thought, however, that begged to be answered, switching his focus. 

“How’d you know which rope to grab?” Eddie spoke out loud. It had truly puzzled him; Buck hadn’t even hesitated in grabbing that specific rope, as if he knew exactly what it did. Hell, there had been at _least_ two other ropes there that he could’ve pulled.

“Oh, uh...hot air balloons come with this rip line, or the deflation port line that gets all the hot air out of the balloon instantly. It’s usually the red one. Opens up the top part of the balloon and _whoosh_. The air’s out, balloon’s deflated.” Buck started to move his hands in those endearing gestures he always did when he got excited about something, and Eddie couldn’t help but track the movement like a moth drawn to a flame. 

As always, Eddie loved to hear Buck rambling on about the most random of topics, from exotic animal behaviours to uncanny facts about space - something he had helped Christopher with for one of his science projects. 

It spoke volumes about how much the man meant to him, when words leaving his lips felt like a siren’s song. Buck could be talking about the shoe sizes of every single member of their team and Eddie would listen, enraptured, letting the soft murmuring of Buck’s voice echo through his mind and giving him a much needed peace of mind. 

“...and a pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.” 

Eddie smiled along, losing himself in the lulling timbre of Buck’s voice, and briefly wondered if Buck would ever consider recording an audiobook. If anyone ever asked why, Eddie would immediately reason that Christopher would beg for it to be played _every night_ before he went to sleep (‘Bucky can make all the voices right, Dad!’). 

Abruptly, Buck’s words finally pieced together in his mind. 

Wait... 

“Did you just say a pig’s - ” Eddie looked up from where he had been playing with his own gloves, shaking himself free from the mental image of _Buck_ in those gloves again. Like Pandora’s box, that thought inevitably led to the rolled-up sleeves, thighs flexing against tight pants that should have ripped at the pure audacity of the muscles as they - 

As they worked to do their job, praise the Lord, Jesus, _Amen_. 

Eddie was not at all religious, but at this point, he wasn’t sure if even holy water could properly douse his mind from the highlights of Buck in every single angle of that rescue, creating a mental slideshow through his head. 

That was it. He was officially changing his name to Eddie ‘always-thirsting-after-Evan-Buckley’ Diaz. 

Shifting his gaze to the man sitting across from him, he was immediately met with Buck’s exasperated look. His best friend had moved to lean against the wall of the truck as much as the seat belt would let him, head tilted slightly against the glass as he watched Eddie thoughtfully. There was an amused twinkle in his eyes, so if Eddie had to guess, Buck had been trying to get his attention for a while now. The way his baby blue eyes saw right through him quicker than a hot knife through butter never failed to gather pockets of warmth in his cheeks. 

“Was just seeing if you were listening. Clearly you have something else on your mind.” Buck was still smiling, but Eddie could see through the worried crinkle in his brow and the concern lighting his gaze. The weight of his thoughts prior to the ‘thirsty for Buck’ slideshow fought to plague his mind once more, but Eddie forced himself to mentally push those thoughts aside for now, instead opting to offer Buck one of his million-dollar smiles. 

His self-pity could wait. 

“I always hear what you have to say, Buck.” Eddie felt warmth bubbling in his chest as Buck's cheeks immediately gained in colour. “Even though sometimes, I really _don’t_ need to know the bizarre facts you manage to surprise us with.” He groaned, a mental image already popping up that he wished he could bleach completely. Buck merely grinned, his damn eyebrows waggling suggestively as mirth danced across his expression. 

“It’s fascinating, isn’t it? The longest documented orgasm was also by pigs, lasting 90 minutes.” Buck added, and Eddie really, _really_ didn’t need any more mental images of this right now. 

“Ninety - what are we _feeding_ them?” Eddie muttered, utterly miffed with how nature worked. His own lips were twitching into an automatic smile at Buck’s laugh, the rich sound reverberating through the headsets. He reached out a foot to kick the man’s leg when Buck said something along the lines of ‘it’s got to be the water.’ 

“I drink the same water as you, Buckley, and I don’t see either of us lasting that long.” 

The second he said it, Eddie wondered if there was a secret passage underneath the truck he could fling himself into like one of those spy movies, because that is _not_ what someone not thirsting after his best friend would say. His brain seemed to have detached itself from his common sense completely, and he mentally willed his brain cells to _please_ regain their sense of dignity. 

“That’s because you’re old, Diaz, you can’t possibly match my never-ending stamina.” Eddie’s head shot up at that, blue eyes clashing with brown in a silent battle of wills. Buck was practically _goading_ , tone playful and body relaxed, but Eddie could see his blue eyes darkening, lighting the air around them with electricity. 

It was the same familiar charge that seemed to follow them, surging up to surround the two in that same intimacy and challenge. Recalling a similar discussion they had had in the quiet of Buck’s kitchen, Eddie couldn’t help but shoot his best friend a mischievous smirk. 

“Wanna go for the title?” 

“I’d still take you.”

“You two do know that we can _hear_ you, right?” 

Eddie startled at the new voice through their receivers, turning to see Hen and Chimney staring at them incredulously, and feeling himself blush at Chimney’s, quite frankly, scandalized look. He could distantly hear Bobby chuckling in the captain’s seat and the muffled laughs of Romero at the wheel, and knew that Buck’s reddened skin wasn’t faring much better. 

Oh, Eddie was _screwed_. 

* * *

Buck was not drunk enough for this shit. 

The rest of their shift had gone by smoothly, so slow that the only relatively exciting rescue had been the one with the hot air balloon. He didn’t know exactly what had prompted Eddie to say what he did, because he was hardly ever the one to suggest getting _drinks,_ but Buck had pushed through his initial surprise to go along with the plans. 

He had exchanged a look with the man, though, silently asking whether Christopher would be alright but Eddie had murmured a simple ‘he’s staying with abuela tonight,’ easing his worry. It had then been a group consensus that resulted in them all ending up in a bar, coincidentally the same one they had brought Albert for Chimney’s birthday. 

They were in a smaller booth this time, all of them (Maddie and Chimney were somehow even more attached to the hip after that ‘I love you’ dinner) and Buck really, _really_ needed more drinks. 

“Buckaroo! Cheers!” Hen laughed, holding up an empty glass of what had been a long island iced tea before she had downed the entire thing in a measly 20 seconds. Buck stifled a laugh as he slowly held up his own glass of water to clink with her empty one, watching in amusement as she attempted to drink from it. He continued to watch as she frowned, scowling at the empty glass in her hands as if it had purposefully offended her in some way. 

“I need more tequila,” Hen huffed, and Buck quickly held out his own glass of water towards her. Chimney was already too far gone with Maddie rapidly catching up, and Bobby had already gone home to the kids. Which left Eddie - who, Buck realized, was not currently in his seat. 

“Hen, drink this, okay? Tastes just like tequila.” Buck practically shoved the glass of water into her unsteady hands, and urged her to take a sip. At this rate, they were going to be absolutely _plastered_ and they all had shifts the next day. Thank god Bobby managed to squeeze them into the afternoon - he wasn’t sure they were even going to be _alive_ in the morning. The paramedic scrunched up her nose, scowling at the glass. 

“ _This_ is tequila?” Hen scoffed, and Buck was too distracted in scanning the bar for any signs of Eddie to hear whatever else she had said.

Where had Eddie gone? 

“Yes Hen, and drink it all,” Buck said sternly, urging her to sit down into the booth with Chimney and Maddie who were giggling like a bunch of teenagers discovering alcohol for the first time. “I’m going to look for Eddie, so stay put, alright?” Buck pleaded, smiling weakly as Hen patted him on the face - what she probably thought would be his shoulder - and sighed in relief when she nodded. 

“Go find your lover boy.” 

He ignored the comment as he walked through the crowd. It was weird to be the only slightly-tipsy one. Usually, he was the first to get shit-faced, downing liquor like the sweetest water, cold and crisp.

Even weirder for _him_ to be practically _babysitting_ a bunch of drunk adults.

Which was exactly why he had to go find Eddie. So he scanned the rest of the bar, looking over the tops of people’s head for a mop of gelled-back dark hair and golden skin. Eddie was dressed like sin personified tonight, clad in well-worn jeans and that one red buffalo plaid flannel of his that had made Buck near lose his mind the first time he’d seen it.

It shouldn’t have been this difficult to find a six-foot tall man, in a crowd of people who hardly made it past 5’10” (Buck would know, his height put _him_ at the advantage). Seeing no other choice, Buck shot his friends one last warning glare to stay put, and started walking to the bathrooms out back. 

As he did so, he thought briefly about _why_ bars felt the necessity to make the bathrooms at the end of a secluded hallway. As if being drunk wasn’t enough danger for one night. He was sure the whole reason why drunks pissed on the floor or over the walls was because the washrooms weren’t built in a strategic fashion. Maybe he should talk to Michael about potentially creating more bladder-friendly designs for places loaded with alcohol. 

He was right to the door when Eddie stumbled out, his normal sense of balance shot right to hell. Buck’s eyebrows flew up at the sight of his best friend, drunk. The flannel was now open, exposing the tight black tank underneath.

Briefly, Buck wondered if he’d found someone for a quickie, but highly doubted it. He hadn’t been out of sights for long.

In the years Buck had known him, he didn’t think he’d ever seen Eddie like this. There was always the lingering thought of getting home to Christopher, of his never-ending responsibilities as a father that kept him from truly letting go, and all the demons that accosted him on a never-ending basis. 

There was still something nagging him about the odd way Eddie had behaved back in the truck after that first call, as if he had been caught up in thoughts his brain couldn’t follow. Even more so that Eddie had relinquished control to the power of alcohol. But with Christopher sleeping at his abuela’s tonight, Buck realized that Eddie could truly set himself free, even if just for the night. 

He looked critically at the man in front of him through his own slightly dimmed gaze, vaguely wondering what type of drunk Eddie would be. 

“Buck!” Eddie’s face lit up when he saw him standing there, crashing into him to clumsily wrap his arms around his shoulders. “I missed you!” Buck felt his heart pound harder in his chest at that, a fond smile stretching across his face. 

So Eddie was an affectionate, clingy drunk. 

Interesting.

“It’s been five minutes, buddy.”

“Did you call me baby? I like when you call me baby, you should do that more often.”

“I said buddy, not baby.” Buck stifled his laughter as Eddie pranced his way down to the far corner of the hall, gesturing for him to follow. And who was he to argue?

“You came for me. I missed you, and you came for me.” Eddie was looking up at him with doe-like eyes, pupils blown wide as he swayed precariously on his feet, a cheesy grin tipping up his lips. Buck tried to estimate how many drinks his friend had had, but cursed when he realized that it had been Eddie getting most of the drinks, so he was drawing a blank. Coupled with his own slightly-intoxicated brain, and Buck’s limited mental math skills snapped to a blinding zero.

“I’ll always come for you, Eddie,” Buck said gently, the words leaving his mouth before his brain could catch up. Eddie only giggled to himself, flushed cheeks catching the low light from the bar as he did so. The sound and sight were both oddly endearing, and Buck wondered if this would be the one and only time he would be able to see Eddie like this. 

The fact that Eddie trusted _him_ to be seen like this, sent a whole new wave of butterflies to his stomach. 

“Let’s get you back.”

Eddie frowned, and then, in a move that shouldn’t have been possible for someone with virtually no motor coordination, he had Buck pinned against the wall. 

Buck’s eyes widened at the strength with which Eddie had his wrists in his grasp, keeping him in place with the press of Eddie's hips on his front and the hard material behind him, breath mingling with the strong scent of alcohol wafting the small space in between them. The faint bass of the music pounded around them, in tune to Buck’s pulse.

“Eddie,” Buck warned. He wasn’t scared of being held in this position, because it was _Eddie_ , but he knew that if they stayed like this for a little while longer, they’d end up doing something that they would both regret. 

Buck would’ve had absolutely no qualms about this had they both been sober, but Eddie was _wasted_ and he was borderline tipsy, and the combination of the two could not be trusted to make rational decisions. 

“You looked so hot today,” Eddie murmured, leaning in to nuzzle his neck. The cold tip of his nose dragged along Buck’s hypersensitive skin, the words burning straight through him. Buck sucked in a sharp breath at the honesty, hips involuntarily bucking forward as Eddie nipped at the skin there. 

“Wh-when?”

“The hot air balloon. You know what it’s like to watch you vault over things?”

Buck really didn’t know. He also didn’t know what prompted Eddie to be so outlandishly vulnerable. The words gave him a heady rush, making _him_ feel like he’d downed all that tequila. 

“Showing off those _forearms_ flexing in rolled up sleeves which should be _illegal_ on you. Those goddamned _gloves,_ and-and those _thighs_ straining against uniform pants and that _ass_. It should be a crime to be so fucking delectable.” 

The rush of Eddie’s words sent another dizzying pulse of wantonness through him. Buck didn’t know that all of that got him going, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. He worked hard for his body, and God knew that he’d thought of Eddie in the exact same way. 

Offhandedly though, he wondered if alcohol somehow made Eddie even _more_ lucid than usual with his lack of a filter, but that particular thought halted when warm lips brushed against his pulse point, sucking lightly. 

“Just-just doing my job.”

“Hmmm…it shouldn’t be this sexy.” Eddie had navigated to leaving small kisses on sweat-dampened skin, and suddenly, Buck lost all coherent thought. 

Though, that could be because of the blood that was currently making its way down south. 

He was suddenly brought back to the first day they met, remembering the whole mess of a first impression (he would remain forever ignorant to their first encounter, since he hadn’t known Eddie would become quite this important to his entire being), but most importantly, he remembered the lean muscle flexing in arms that lifted weights and punched bags like it was nothing. 

The same arm that had slammed into his chest to keep him back from the live grenade lodged in a man’s leg, and the arm that had flexed rudely right in front of his face and expected him to concentrate as Eddie carefully dislodged the explosive. He hardly remembered the grenade or the groans of pain from the man as his gaze pinpointed on the vessels and tendons stretching under bronze skin, dusted with the faintest smattering of hair. It was all so masculine and _capable_ that Buck wondered if Eddie even realized how out of it he was during the entire ambulance rescue. 

Those same arms made another appearance in that goddamn Spider-man routine, where Eddie had practically _scaled the house_ to climb to the roof as if he made it a point to climb buildings sans harnesses every day. 

If he thought Buck looked good, Eddie hadn’t seen how _he_ looked right now, with his own forearms exposed through the rolled-up sleeves of the flannel. The vivid red and black plaid off-set his tan beautifully, but that tank would be Buck’s undoing. It clung to Eddie’s torso like a glove, highlighting every sinew of strength in the other man, which only made Buck want to tear it off.

Buck was sure his blood pressure sky-rocketed every time those muscles shifted to display their power, which was probably another reason why he didn’t bother to move under Eddie’s firm grip on him. 

Eddie’s arms had been bulging with an insistent strength to keep him in place, and Buck honestly had never been so turned on in his life. Being held in place like this by Eddie had his mind spinning, and Buck came to realize that although he hated being pinned down because it reminded him of the ladder truck, _this_ was the only place he could let himself want it. 

Watching those arms work had been one thing, but being on the receiving end of that brute power gave him a high that no drug could even begin to replicate. 

That’s when he realized that Eddie had been rolling his hips for the past few minutes, feeling just as hard as Buck was getting in those jeans. He distantly wondered if the alcohol was creating an illusion that would break when the haze cleared, but all thoughts of that abruptly stopped when their eyes met. 

Eddie looked at him hungrily, hands still pinning him to the wall, eyes dark with pure _want_. In this position, the height difference was practically non-existent, and Buck just stared, gaze misty with a carnal desire as Eddie’s face loomed dangerously close to his own. 

The pounding music in the bar dulled, fading into the background as Buck lowered his gaze to a pair of full lips that should have locked with his _yesterday_.

He licked his lips nervously, watching as Eddie tracked the movement. Sweat dripped down his back, but the shivers breaking out on his skin were caused entirely by the heat of Eddie’s gaze as they swept over his body. 

“So fucking _hot,_ ” Eddie repeated before his lips were on Buck’s. 

Buck immediately melted into the kiss, surrendering to the warmth of the man he loved. Eddie’s hands moved to grip his hips tightly as he shifted positions, slotting a leg in between Buck’s and pressing up right where he needed him. Buck moved one hand to Eddie’s waist to press him closer, the other through that _hair_ he’d been thinking about since day one.

The two began moving against each other messily, groaning into one another’s mouth as their bodies lined up. A wave of lust punched through him, stealing the breath from his lungs as Eddie bore down on his thigh, seeking the same pleasure. 

They were rutting shamelessly against one another, the thrill of being caught sending another spark through them. Their tongues tangled together in an intricate dance, and Buck let out a small sound - because if Eddie continued to kiss him like _this_ , he would be completely ruined for anybody else. 

Not that he ever _wanted_ to be anyone else’s.

Licking into his mouth, Buck swallowed Eddie’s moan as their positions shifted slightly, their hips rolling into each other to chase each other’s high. The friction was delicious, erotic and had Buck panting into Eddie’s mouth.

That’s when Buck registered the unmistakable taste of alcohol on Eddie’s tongue. Mustering all the self control he could, he tore his lips from him, stilling his body’s movement. 

Eddie, on the other hand, was undeterred by it as he moved his lips down Buck’s throat, swirling his tongue into the hollow below his collarbone, still chasing his pleasure on his thigh. As he shifted, his body rolled against Buck’s own erection, sending more sparks through him. Buck muffled a gasp, his eyes closing of their own accord. His breathing felt like he’d sprinted through a marathon, a tight need to release balling in his core. 

He would’ve given in instantly, if he hadn’t remembered exactly where they were. 

“Eddie, come on. Let’s get you home,” Buck said gently, tugging on Eddie’s hair to get him to let up. He let out a hiss at the playful nip of Eddie’s teeth against the thin skin, and wondered if there would be bruises in the morning to prove exactly what they had been up to tonight.

Eddie pulled away and grinned at him wolfishly, still lightly rocking against him, abdominal muscles shifting and flexing under the thin fabric. Buck’s words died on his tongue at the absolute vision he made in the dim light of the bar. 

Kiss-swollen lips shining, hair completely mussed up, the relaxed tone of his body language. He looked beyond pleased with himself, like sex on a six-foot stick. All things Buck had never seen his best friend look like, and honestly, he was ready to throw himself at him again. 

Pointedly not looking Eddie in the eye, Buck gripped his elbow to steady him, moving him down the hallway to where their friends were waiting. As he did so, he haphazardly flattened his own hair down, hoping that he didn’t look like he’d just been making out with his best friend in the back of a bar. 

Hen whistled low when she caught sight of Eddie, who definitely looked like he’d done something scandalous for Eddie Diaz standards, especially with his clothes rustled like _that._

“Bar sex? _You?_ Or were you mauled by a tiger?”

“Sexiest man in the world.” Eddie reached for a shot glass, which Buck easily intercepted and replaced with water, even as his cheeks burned. 

“You had sex with a guy?!” Maddie screeched, nearly falling into Chimney’s lap as she leaned over to him. Buck pointedly ignored the hands moving to his sister’s waist to steady her, even though he had his own personal favourite hands on his hips just mere moments ago. 

Eddie giggled and told them that they didn’t go all the way. “I don’t label it but there’s something about this one guy…”

He swayed against Buck, looking up to presumably wink. Drunk as he was, he just blinked with emphasis, the way Christopher did.

Buck smiled fondly at him despite the mixed emotions swirling through him. He didn’t know if he could trust Eddie’s words, because at this level of intoxication, they were probably things Eddie didn’t want him to know, or things that weren’t true at all. 

The latter made him wish for the ground to just swallow him. 

Chimney was starting to sober up slightly, but it was _very_ unlikely that they would be driving home in their cars, given the amount of alcohol that had been consumed. 

“I think it’s time we all call it a night. I’ll call an Uber.” Chimney blinked slowly at his phone, trying to see through the haze to click on the proper app. Buck looked down at Eddie who was still clinging to him, eyes drooping slightly as the alcohol content in his body urged him to sleep it off. 

“I’ll drive Eddie home, I didn’t have nearly as much as you guys.” Buck caught Hen’s gaze, swallowing nervously when he saw her eyes narrowing at the way Eddie was holding onto him like some prized treasure. 

Her eyes trailed to Eddie’s disheveled look, then to Buck, her gaze lingering on the hair that he had hastily tried to fix just before coming over. Her visual sweep ended with her eyes landing on a particular spot on his neck. 

He pleaded with Hen not to say anything with his eyes, unsure if she’d understand in her inebriated state. By some miracle, she only gave him a knowing smile. 

“Karen’s coming to pick me up. You guys go ahead,” she said finally, and Buck let out a breath of short-lived relief. He didn’t know how he managed to carry a six-foot tall intoxicated (and absolutely intoxicat _ing_ ) man out of the bar successfully without tripping over his own two feet, but he did it.

It wasn’t without a fight though. Eddie managed to push his face into Buck’s neck and stayed there the entire time as they walked through the cold night, Buck just praying that the man would sober up some before they got home.

“Buck,” Eddie whined, as he stopped them halfway to the car to make Eddie take a sip of water. “It’s too hot.”

Without warning, the flannel came flying off, thrown right over Buck’s head. He snatched the fabric and yanked it off his face to glare at Eddie, who was now skipping around the parking lot.

“La-la-la, twinkle twinkle little star!” Eddie sang, staggering into a car. “How I wish I knew where you are!” 

“Eddie,” Buck growled, stalking forward to tie the shirt around the man’s waist. He ignored the flex of his arms, seen clearly underneath the reddish lights overhead. “Car. Now.”

He felt like a parent with a hyperactive kid. Eddie stopped abruptly, looking slightly green. Buck immediately shoved the bottle of water at him, forcing him to drink.

“You puke in my car and you’re out on your ass, you hear?” Even he could hear how weak the threat sounded, but Eddie chose to have selective hearing at precisely that moment.

“I have a great ass,” Eddie mumbled, pouting as he did so. Buck silently agreed, watching him like a hawk to make sure he really wasn’t going to throw up. He was so focused on keeping his leather seats free of stomach contents, that he didn’t notice Eddie’s eyes trailing down south.

“Like yours!” 

Before he knew it, Eddie had lunged forward to grab his ass, sending a jolt through him. Buck sighed and forlornly detached Eddie’s hands from his body, turning him around to force him to walk.

“I appreciate it, but right now, you’re drunk.”

On cue, Eddie hiccupped.

In the matter of minutes, Buck managed to shove Eddie into the passenger seat, the older man resisting the entire time. “I wanna be outside!”

What was to be said about childish drunks?

“Well, we’re going home. You can stand outside all night long afterwards if you want.”

Eddie grunted but started fiddling with the radio while Buck wrestled the seat belt in place, muttering under his breath all the way.

Then Eddie leaned in to kiss his nose. “Thank you,” he said cutely before going right back to studying the dials on the radio like a little kid discovering Jenga for the first time.

Buck just stood there for a solid minute, the innocent action messing him up more than their downright filthy make-out session in the back of the bar. Just seeing the mess Eddie’s hair had become from its usual neatness, his eyes still alight and in tune with his fascination with the radio had a single four-letter word resonating in his mind like a mantra. 

Love.

God, he was so _gone_ for this man.

The ride home was another feat all on its own, entertaining beyond anything Buck would have imagined. Eddie had finally found a station he’d liked and was now singing along terribly to it. It was absolutely _hilarious_ and Buck knew he would be teasing Eddie about this until the end of time. 

Amused beyond words, Buck unconsciously started to bob his head along to the bass, but instantly regretted all of his life choices when he heard the lyrics. 

_I want to fuck you like an animal  
_ _I want to feel you from the inside_

He nearly swerved off the road at hearing those words coming from Eddie’s off-tune attempt at singing. Eddie, who was staring at him with an open invitation as he swayed in his seat, eyes the color of melted chocolate molten with desire.

 _I want to fuck you like an animal  
_ _My whole existence is flawed  
_ _You get me closer to god_

Once he couldn’t take it anymore, Buck switched the radio off, ignoring Eddie leaning over the console to sultrily whisper more explicit lyrics into his ear.

 _I drink the honey inside your hive  
_ _You are the reason I stay alive_

“Eddie, I’m trying to drive.” Unintentionally he’d ended up rhyming with the lyrics, which to Eddie, was the funniest thing since sliced bread. 

His friend gave up on the farce of seduction to turn in his seat, attempting to dance in place with the seat belt. Buck laughed at how Eddie was flailing, hands itching to take a video to document everything but opted to keep his eyes on the road. 

It would have been comically ironic otherwise, two off-duty firefighters caught in a car accident because one was so in love with the other’s horrible drunk singing skills that they defied the law to record it. They would never live it down.

They pulled into the driveway right in the middle of Eddie’s air-guitar solo, the one he was imitating chords with his mouth for. Buck came around to the passenger side door to drag his friend out.

“Buck! You’re back! Where’d you go?” Eddie pouted again, lumbering forward to throw his arms around Buck’s neck and wrap his legs around his waist, pressing close to him.

Eddie was still seated, and Buck found that it was the perfect height for them to fit right together like that. Either way, it was going to be one hell of a chore to pick him up.

“I’ve been right here the whole time.” Buck smoothed a hand down Eddie’s spine, unable to stop himself from indulging in the private moment for just a little while longer. He would remember every single second of this night, but there was no guarantee that Eddie would.

“Yeah, you were right here all along.”

He frowned over his friend’s shoulder at the stark vulnerability in his voice. This was beginning to feel like a desperate plea, a way for Eddie to communicate things he didn’t have the words to say when he was sober.

Buck wanted to push, ask him what he’d been thinking about in the truck. What had him so bothered that he was drowning himself in alcohol. But he stayed mum, knowing it wouldn’t be right to do so. Eddie would talk about it when he was ready to, and if Buck was going to push, he was going to push when his friend wasn’t inebriated.

By now, the haze of alcohol had completely lifted from his mind, leaving him stone-cold sober. He was hyper-aware of every single detail as Eddie clung to him; the scent of his cologne masked by the acrid tang of booze, the tickle of his hair where it brushed against him, even through his shirt. He could feel the scratch of Eddie’s stubble against his pulse, right where he’d kissed a mark.

Eddie was so still in his arms that Buck thought he’d fallen asleep. As carefully as possible, Buck wrapped one arm around his waist and the other on his thigh, cradling him as he walked up the steps.

“Your curls are so nice, they made you look adorable,” Eddie said in awe, tugging on some loose strands at the top of his head. Buck startled slightly at the sound of his voice, stomach quivering at Eddie’s ministrations, and felt his cheeks flush again at the compliment.

He’d learned a lot about Eddie today, including the fact that he was unbearably honest when plastered. Still, there was an inkling of doubt that pressed against him about whether Eddie meant all of the flirting, the want, the desperation for him.

It was infinitely harder to guide Eddie through the door of his house, and he thanked the lord for having a spare key that Eddie had given him some time ago. He wasn’t sure if it would be wise right now to grope Eddie’s ass as he tried to dig through his pockets trying to find the thing. 

The two stumbled through the house, Buck managing to keep his balance somehow, even with his precious cargo.

“M’home?” Eddie mumbled, his head swaying precariously against Buck’s neck. He muffled a curse, carrying the man through the living room and into the hallway leading to the bedroom before depositing him unceremoniously on the bed. 

Eddie groaned as Buck straightened. “Come back here.” With one yank, Buck was lying on top of him again, head spinning from the sudden movement. Eddie hummed happily as he slipped his hands under Buck’s shirt to press warm palms to the small of his back. “I like you like this.”

_I like being like this._

Aware of how dangerous that thought was, Buck detangled himself from Eddie’s octopus limbs and crawled off him, shaking his head at his best friend. For all his protests to stay outside, Eddie’s eyes were now slipping closed.

He decided on only removing Eddie’s shoes, leaving his jeans and shirt on to avoid another awkward conversation the next morning about how he had managed to change clothes. Buck successfully tucked the man into his own sheets, and was fully prepared to leave when a hand reached out to grip his wrist, hot fingers pressing into his skin. 

“Stay.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. Just right outside,” Buck said soothingly, running a hand through Eddie’s hair slowly, pushing the stray strands away from his forehead. Eddie frowned in response, as if Buck being anywhere but his room were a sin, but conceded anyway.

Eddie turned his face into Buck’s palm, leaving another kiss here. “Mhm, wish you stayed here forever. Love you, Buck.”

He turned onto his side and promptly fell asleep but Buck froze in place, watching Eddie with wide eyes. The older man looked heartwarmingly young like this, his hair in complete disarray, the usual lines on his forehead absent. His cheeks were still flushed with the alcohol he’d consumed but there was a content smile on his lips.

The same lips that had kissed Buck so thoroughly - so successful in making him forget his own name, in making him feel like he’d gotten just as wasted as the rest of the team.

It was a kiss that expressed what words couldn’t, and it was a kiss that had Buck forgetting every single kiss he had ever shared with anyone else. 

Knowing this internal debate would get him nowhere, he chalked it all up to the intoxication and went out to the couch.

Hopefully, he’d be able to sleep.

* * *

Something had definitely laid eggs and died in his mouth. 

Eddie groaned, wincing at the smell of his own morning breath mixed with whatever the hell it was that he drank last night to look at the clock on his bedside table. His head was pounding mercilessly and nausea burned through his gut.

His shift wasn’t until late in the afternoon, and the red numbers screaming _12:37_ indicated that he had precisely three hours to get his shit together. Christopher would be coming home from school then, and would expect a kiss before Eddie had to leave him with Carla to head to the station. 

He was about to get up and head to his bathroom, when he saw an untouched glass of water and another glass of orange juice on his bedside table that he knew for a fact he hadn’t put there. 

The last vestiges of sleep vanished when his brain caught up with the bits and pieces of what happened last night. 

More specifically, memories of feeling his best friend’s body underneath his hands played through his mind like the most vivid slideshow. He remembered _slamming Buck against the wall_ before proceeding to _kiss the living daylights out of him_. He remembered every little detail of the man writhing beneath him, chasing his own high. 

He’d imagined their first kiss more times than he could count, but he hadn’t thought it would be in the hallway of a dingy bar. 

There were rustling movements coming from his living room that could only be from one specific person. Eddie pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes as he felt his heartbeat quicken in his chest. 

_“Shit.”_

Eddie downed the orange juice to chase away the feeling of having stuffed cotton into his mouth. He didn’t bother with the glass of water, instead marching straight to the bathroom to try and get rid of the musty bar smell. He shed his clothes and threw them in the hamper, turning on the shower and stepping into the spray of the scalding water. He wondered if the blast could graciously send him sailing to another continent so he wouldn’t have to deal with the inevitable, but no shower had ever been so kind. 

Stepping out of the tub, wrapping a towel loosely around his waist, Eddie placed his hands shakily on the counter as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. The shower had made him feel marginally better but he still felt like he’d been run over by three buses.

The exhaustion in his gaze wasn’t surprising, but he had an urge to smash his head through the glass in front of him when he remembered _branding_ Buck in his intoxicated state. The possessive part of him saw absolutely no issues with his marks on his best friend’s body, but the rational part quickly won out. 

He didn’t have the right to do that to him. Buck wasn’t his to mark, and he’d gone out and done it under influence, like the biggest asshole on the face of this planet. Perhaps his punishment _was_ the fact that even plastered with a hangover from hell, Eddie remembered everything about last night.

What on Earth was he even supposed to say when he saw Buck today? 

_“Hey Buck, remember when I sang about wanting to fuck you like an animal? Well I’m sorry.”_

Or maybe, _“Hey Buck, I’m pretty sure I confessed my undying love for you last night, and I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry?”_

Where would he even _begin_ to start apologizing?

For fuck’s sake, Buck was in the next room, and Eddie just _kissed_ the man for the first time while _drunk_ last night. 

_Good going, Diaz._

There was no way he could somehow hide in the bathroom for an entire three hours, and knowing Buck, the man would be checking up on him and dragging his ass to work if he hadn’t woken up himself. 

Eddie sighed, begrudgingly accepting his fate and walked out of his bathroom. He dug through his closet for his LAFD t-shirt and work pants, tugging them on slowly - trying to put off on facing the dilemma currently residing in his living room. His hand slowly closed around the handle of his bedroom door. Closing his eyes, he steadied himself before pulling it open. 

Buck was folding up the blankets on the couch he no doubt slept on last night, and Eddie’s eyes immediately zeroed in on the pinkish bruises on his neck. There was a particularly red spot at the base of his throat, where Eddie clearly remembered nibbling at the skin for another taste of Buck’s skin. 

If it had been any other day, and any other situation, he would have mentally congratulated himself on finding areas that were visible a million miles away, secretly loving the look. 

But it wasn’t any other day, and dread dug a pit in Eddie’s stomach when he saw how restless Buck was. He had folded the same blanket five times now, eyes seemingly not knowing where to look. 

His hands were shaking. 

Eddie felt the air leave his lungs at the realization of what last night could have meant to _Buck_ \- what it could have meant for their friendship. They were both intoxicated, saying and doing things they would have never dared to act upon while sober - and seeing Buck’s body this tense, this _uncomfortable_ in Eddie’s space…

“Hey.” 

Eddie looked up from where he had been staring at the movement of Buck’s hands, brown orbs once again clashing with familiar blue. But unlike the time at the bar (and if he was honest, any other time), the electricity was strained, teetering on a high-strung rope, on the verge of snapping. 

“Hey,” Eddie said softly, taking in the way Buck’s shoulders seemed to slump into themselves, heart cracking open in his chest painfully at the realization that Buck was trying to make himself _smaller_. 

“I made-made some pancakes. You should probably eat something before taking Tylenol or Advil, whatever you prefer. There’s also coffee on the counter, it should still be warm.” Buck tipped his head in the general direction. Eddie sent him a grateful smile before walking to the kitchen counter - head pounding from both his lingering hangover and the unresolved tension between them - and picked up his mug of coffee. 

His heart ached for a different reason this time, and would probably continue to ache at how Buck always remembered the way he took his coffee. Black with a smidgen of cream, and an alarming amount of sugar. 

Eddie picked at the pancakes with his fork, pouring an ungodly amount of maple syrup on them that, on any other day, would have Buck scoffing indignantly and reprimanding him for having an even bigger sweet tooth than Christopher. He could vaguely make out Buck’s figure following him into the kitchen, but he didn’t make a move to get any closer than the doorway.

The sun was shining brightly through the kitchen windows, casting a warm glow around them, even as the resulting humiliation pressed through him. But _his_ sun was standing just a few feet in front of him, fidgeting but _still_ concerned for _him_. Who was he to not chase that familiar warmth? Why couldn’t he just let himself have this?

Eddie hated seeing Buck look so unsure in his house, because he belonged here just as much as Christopher and Eddie did. He just couldn’t muster the courage to say it. 

For a while, the only sounds between them was a fork scraping against a plate, along with the quiet sips of coffee to try and alleviate the haze of waking up after a night out. Eddie didn’t even know how to start with whatever it was that lay between them right now, and couldn’t help startling when Buck cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Uh, about last night…” Eddie forced himself to maintain an indifferent façade, looking up through his lashes at the way Buck seemed to curl into himself even further, his expression shuttering off. His heart twisted painfully in his chest at the sight, and thought that maybe it would just be better off if he - 

“Did I do something? Last night?” Eddie blurted, watching carefully as Buck seemed to jump at that, his blue eyes widening in shock. The two men were at a standstill, with the only sound between them being the clock hanging on the living room wall, indicating that time was, indeed, still moving forward. Even if it didn’t feel like it.

“Do you - you don’t remember…? Last night?” Buck asked hoarsely, his shoulders still tense, but Eddie could see a small hint of relief in his gaze. Eddie tossed back the remaining coffee in his mug, giving him a reason to turn around and place it in the sink. 

“I remember going to that bar with you guys, and getting drinks. A _lot_ of drinks. And then - “ Eddie trailed off, biting on his bottom lip as memories flashed like a movie reel in his mind. 

_And then I kissed you, against the wall next to that old bathroom. Pressed you right up against it because I wanted to feel you, wanted to feel every single muscle that you take pride in. But you had the sense to bring me - bring us home. And then…_

“ - then it gets fuzzy. I do remember you practically carrying me to my room before I blacked out completely - sorry about that by the way,” Eddie winced, peeking over his shoulder to see Buck’s stature starting to relax, but there was something - something in his gaze that Eddie couldn’t quite pinpoint. He wanted to say it was disappointment, maybe even a hint of fear, but why would Buck be disappointed? Nothing that happened last night was warranted by sober minds, there was absolutely nothing to be disappointed about. 

And maybe it would come true if Eddie kept telling himself that. 

“Oh! Oh, well - uh, okay. Yeah, um, no worries, about the carrying thing. Or-or anything, really,” Buck stuttered, and Eddie cracked a small smile when he realized that his shoulders had lost most of their tension from earlier. 

If Eddie had looked closer, he would have seen the light dimming from Buck’s gaze - would have seen his hands clenching briefly at his sides as if trying to hold onto something that had just slipped through his fingers. 

Eddie’s eyes wandered over to the clock on the wall, the hands showcasing a vivid _1:45_. He decided to manually wash the dishes since there were only a few, wondering if Buck had already washed his own. 

Speaking of - 

“Did you eat?” Eddie asked, drying the plate in his hands with a towel and smiled when Buck nodded. “Good, we can’t have you going to work on an empty stomach. You might actually eat the sofa, knowing your appetite.” Eddie internally winced at his own awkwardness as he tried for their usual banter, where Buck would counter with a bizarre fact like ‘at least leather is nutritious!’ but frowned when Buck merely shrugged, turning his gaze to the front door. 

That’s odd. 

“Is Christopher coming home?” Buck asked absently, leaving Eddie to wonder if the change in topic was warranted or forced. 

“Yeah, but not for another hour at least,” Eddie replied, trying to catch Buck’s gaze but the man stubbornly refused to cooperate. He noticed that the man was still wearing his clothes from last night, and hummed thoughtfully. 

“Do you want to change? We can head to work together after Christopher comes home, I’m sure he would love to see his Buck before being left alone for 12 hours,” Eddie suggested, and Buck seemed to mentally shake himself out of his thoughts, giving him a weak smile. 

Somehow, that smile only tore at the already lacerating pieces of Eddie’s heart. 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll just go grab my bag from my car.” Buck turned and headed out the door before Eddie could say anything else, leaving behind the quiet click of a door closing before a resounding silence. 

Eddie was left staring at the entrance to his home, the house immediately mourning the loss of familiar blond hair and those ever-expressive ocean eyes. Memories of last night once again, flashed through his mind, and Eddie ran a shaky hand through his hair, his palms tingling with an urge to feel the warmth of skin he had boldly pressed them into last night. 

It was going to be one _long_ shift today. 

* * *

The station hadn’t been this _off_ in a very long while. 

Bobby watched all four members of his crew bemusedly as they trudged around, doing their normal chores at an alarmingly slower pace. 

Hen had a pounding hangover and medicines that weren’t working. Chimney looked like he was going to throw up at any given moment (again) and Eddie’s complexion wasn’t his normal tan.

By contrast, Buck shouldn’t have had any reason for his quiet nature today. He’d heard from Hen and Chimney that Buck hadn’t drank much at all. It worried Bobby a little, who was keeping an eye on the man by making him a sous-chef.

The rhythmic chopping of Buck’s knife against the board sounded distracted, which wouldn’t do at all. He was staring vacantly at the vegetables he was dicing, his knife moving in quick succession.

Bobby settled a hand over his to stop the movement, taking over for him.

“Want to tell me why you’re so quiet today?”

“Hangover.” The reply was instant and untrue. Bobby gave the youngest member of his team a disapproving look, encouraging him to open up.

“You didn’t drink much last night, according to Hen _and_ Chim, and even so, you don’t normally get horrible hangovers. What’s going on, kid?”

He could see the conflict on Buck’s face, clear as day.

Bobby was a parent and a captain. He knew how kids got when they were trying to hide things. Coupled with the fact that he knew Buck well, and there was no chance of hiding away.

“I don’t want to put you in an awkward position,” he said finally, moving to wash the lettuce.

“Ah, so it’s about Eddie then.” Bobby slid the onions and carrots into the pan, feeling Buck’s surprised gaze on him. He’d noticed both Eddie and Buck sneaking looks at each other all shift, gazes skittering away as if they’d got caught doing something they weren’t supposed to.

They were normally attached at the hip, unmistakable sounds of teasing echoing through the station as they got on with their work. Today, there was radio silence between the two; only wary smiles to acknowledge each other’s presence.

“I pay attention to my team, Buck. What happened?”

There was a brief pause. Bobby was a moment away from turning off the stove to face the man completely, eyes shifting from the pan of vegetables to see Buck tensing beside him, but then he spoke.

“Eddie said a few things last night, drunk off his ass, and…” Buck trailed off, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “They’re words I _want_ to hear from him, but not because he’s drunk.”

Bobby could infer; it was probably something along the lines of those three words they’d been skirting around forever. Whether Eddie said them of his own accord or not, the captain had no doubt that he definitely meant them. 

“He doesn’t remember saying anything. He remembers going to the bar, and me carrying him back home, but he doesn’t remember a single thing in between.”

“You carried him home?” Bobby’s eyes widened in surprise. Just how wasted had Eddie gotten last night?

“It’s a long story.” Buck stared at the sizzling vegetables with forced concentration. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all last night, worn down and exhausted.

“It’ll work out. Eddie has a hard time coming out with his feelings, but eventually, he does.” It was the only advice he could offer, without getting too personally involved in their business. “Why don’t you catch some sleep before the alarm rings? Think you can stomach something from the fridge?”

“I’m not too hungry, but thanks, Cap. Not tired either, I’ll stick with the rest of the team.”

Because that was who Buck was. He stuck with the team even when they didn’t stick with him.

Being their captain, it was unfair of Bobby to say anything about the... _whatever_ was between Buck and Eddie, but he knew that it was something special. They were each other’s better halves, completing each other and not even knowing it.

He prayed every single time he set foot in a church that the two men would find their way to each other, because they had grown to love each other so thoroughly that the captain couldn’t imagine them _not_ together. Paired with the fact that he had the HR forms filled out and awaiting their signatures for _months_ now...

Shaking those thoughts off, Bobby had Buck taste the soup bubbling up in the large pot. He’d stuck to a light dinner tonight, just hearty noodle soup, a salad and toast.

“Perfect,” Buck said, even as he sprinkled in a little salt. There was that mischievous smirk again, which never failed to warm Bobby’s heart. He stared blankly at him, unimpressed at the younger man’s antics but lips twitching with a smile anyway.

“Food’s ready!” Bobby called out. 

“Ugh, Cap, don’t yell,” Chimney groaned as he dragged himself up the stairs, two fingers massaging his temples. The captain simply arched an eyebrow, cocking his head smugly.

“I told you guys we had a shift today. My yelling is the least of your concerns if that alarm goes off.”

“I’ll wish for death when it does,” Hen added, plopping down in her normal chair. Eddie took his place on Bobby’s left, not bothering to say anything, though his eyes kept darting to the man tossing salad behind him.

Bobby served all of them the soup and smiled appreciatively at their compliments. Buck came around to set the salad bowl in the middle, leaning in from Eddie’s side to do so. Out of the corner of his eye, the captain watched as Eddie tensed up, minutely shifting away from his best friend.

The crestfallen look on Buck’s face almost did Bobby in, mildly wondering what the hell had happened in that time he had left them to themselves at the bar last night. 

Just as quick as it had come, Buck’s expression closed off as he took a seat on the other side of the table, next to Chimney to start up an animated conversation about Maddie. That had Hen double-taking to calculate what had happened because Buck and Eddie _never_ sat anywhere else. They always sat next to each other to eat, so attached to the hip that everyone knew to leave a chair empty for them to sit together.

Bobby knew just as well that it was a way for Buck to distance himself from his hurt.

And by the stricken look on Eddie’s face, he knew it too.

* * *

Eddie was beyond frustrated. 

The first shift after that particular night, he had thought them avoiding each other would provide enough space to collect their feelings and set them aside for the greater good. He had watched dejectedly as Buck chose seats at least one crew member apart even though they _always_ sat beside one another - had given him the space he thought Buck needed to disperse the awkwardness hanging between them. 

So he gave Buck space, but he had never fathomed that space quickly turning into a gaping chasm. 

Eddie had left his worry and concern to the first day, and confusion to the second. The third day brought anger, and the fourth was just plain fucking enough. 

“Alright, what the fuck is your problem?” Eddie snarled, and though Buck was easily two inches taller, he worked all his 6’0” stature into staring him down, feet planted firmly on the ground as he crossed his arms, daring Buck to take another step. 

They had just come back from a call - some genius had decided to light his toilet on fire, and when Eddie had unconsciously moved to pull Buck out of the way, the bastard had the _audacity_ to step aside, only allowing the tips of Eddie’s fingers to barely graze his turnout coat. 

Hell, he had opted to step even _closer_ to the flames just to avoid him, and Eddie officially had had enough. He’d barely contained himself from yelling obscenities at the man right then and there, choosing to hold back until they got to the station. 

Buck had made a flimsy comment of going to check on the hoses outside, and Eddie’s control snapped. He followed Buck out there, giving them the illusion of privacy along the back wall of the station.

Now here they were, standing across from each other, mirroring a position from that particular Halloween all those months ago.

Only this time, their stances were switched. 

This game of theirs was going to end here and it was going to end _now,_ come hell or high water.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Buck muttered, and Eddie narrowed his eyes as blue eyes refused to meet his gaze as if avoiding the plague. There had been infuriating tension sizzling between them since arriving in the truck bay, and Eddie had vaguely noticed the other members of their team tip-toeing upstairs, as if sensing an active volcano about to erupt. 

“Don’t you _dare_ , Evan. You and I both know you’ve been avoiding me. You haven’t so much as _looked_ at me for _four fucking day_ , so just don’t, Buck, don’t you dare play this off like it’s nothing,” Eddie spat, watching as Buck curled up his hands into fists beside him. It was the first physical reaction he’d gotten from him in four damn days so Eddie willingly took it in stride.

“That night at the bar,” Eddie began, and knew he had hit the nail on the head when he saw Buck _flinch_. 

“That night at the bar, something happened.” It was more of a statement than a question, but it didn’t seem like Buck had even noticed. Eddie felt his insides playing Twister and having a hell of a good time, so he decided to just screw it all. 

_Screw. It. All._

“We kissed that night,” Eddie whispered hollowly, not even recognizing the sound of his own voice echoing along the walls surrounding them. But he didn’t dare lower his gaze, needing to gauge Buck’s reaction. 

Buck’s eyes snapped up to meet his for the first time in _four days_ , and Eddie didn’t know whether to weep or scream. Those normally bright ocean eyes were now bleak with some internal conflict, rimmed in exhaustion. Like him, Buck probably hadn’t slept well either, evident from the dark smudges under his eyes.

“What do you even want from me?” Buck’s voice cracked at the end, sounding absolutely _broken_ , and Eddie’s hands twitched with an overwhelming urge to touch him. To _offer comfort_ that he wasn’t sure was his to give. 

“I want to...I want to know why,” Eddie said, his voice miraculously staying steady. “Why-why would you _avoid_ me because we kissed - "

“Because that’s a Buck 1.0 thing to do!” he bellowed, stunning Eddie completely. He was still so confused at what exactly had happened, what he had said to put that almost desperate look in Buck’s gaze that worried him to no end. He’d been thinking that Buck regretted doing anything with _him_ , but Eddie had involuntarily ended up treating him like one of those people he knew his best friend stayed away from now. _This_ was the true root of the problem. 

Buck looked downright feral against the white backdrop of crumbling plaster behind him, a fitting image for this...this bone of contention between them.

In a quieter, but just as heated tone, Buck continued. “I didn’t think the first time I’d kiss you would be in the hallway of a bar, in front of a disgusting bathroom.”

Eddie...Eddie was _floored_. 

“Buck-” 

“No, Eddie. _You_ listen to _me_ now,” he pointed at him, taking a single step forward. There was an urgency to Buck that Eddie hadn’t seen before and it stopped him from saying anything else. Blue eyes blazed with a ferocity that sucked him in instantly. “I was hardly even buzzed that night. I remember _every single fucking detail_ from it. I remember how you looked, smelled, felt, touched. I remember every word you said, every _drunken_ thing you did. I remember the brand of your fingers on my skin, the press of your lips against mine.

“We didn’t just _kiss_ , Eddie. Hell, I’m not even sure you can call that a make-out session. We were _ten fucking seconds_ away from getting off on each other in the back of a dingy bar.” Buck loomed closer, his words crackling like a live wire in the diminishing space between them. It left Eddie slack-jawed and staring blankly at the man in front of him, feeling unbearably _small_. 

“I have replayed that one night in my mind a thousand times every day for the past four fucking nights. I have echoed it in my mind, _over_ and _over_. And it _kills_ me that you don’t remember because I _do_. This is fucking _torture_ of the worst kind, because I have to look at you _every single day_ like I don’t know how you taste. Like I don’t know how you sound when you say ‘I love you.’”

Dumbfounded, Eddie couldn’t do anything but stand there, completely frozen. The other man was now shaking with his rant, though his voice hadn’t gotten louder. 

“I can’t keep doing this, Eddie.”

Those words shot straight through his chest. The rapid fear of losing Buck doused a cold bucket of water on his frozen state, kick-starting his mouth into working again. “I-I didn’t think you wanted me like that. I didn’t think...that you would reciprocate.”

“Of course I would reciprocate, you should’ve at least given me a _chance_!”

Anger surged up in him in waves, choking him with the bitter taste of it. It was far easier than facing the pain that came with all the insecurities he had when it came to letting people in. 

He _had_ given chances. To his wife, the _mother_ of his son. To his parents - hell, he had given _Buck_ a chance, only for all of them to throw it right back in his face. To step all over him and leave him to pick up the pieces.

“You were so relieved when I told you I didn’t remember anything that had happened last night. I _saw_ that relief. You aren’t the only one who plays the entire night over and over! Buck, I thought you were just as drunk as I was. I thought you didn’t _want_ to remember anything!”

“I was relieved because I didn’t want it to become awkward and weird between us,” he argued back, too full of fire to realize that Eddie had basically confessed to remembering everything multiple times now.

“I practically plastered myself to you the entire night, put you in an uncomfortable position and you had to _carry_ me to my room like a _child._ Why would you even want to put up with _-_ ”

“Because I’m in love with you!” Buck finally shouted, shutting Eddie up instantly. His chest was heaving even though his shoulders hung with defeat. There was a new defiance to Buck’s stance as his chin tipped up, as if daring Eddie to challenge him about it.

Or do something else equally stupid.

Not wasting time with petty words, Eddie stalked the rest of the distance between them, backing him up so Buck was pressed against that peeling wall. Cupping his best friend’s hand in both hands, Eddie kissed him.

And just like that night in the dark hallways of that bar, sparks _ignited_. Buck yielded to him immediately, slanting his mouth at a better angle to press closer to Eddie. 

Unlike the time at the bar, Eddie was completely sober, and hyper aware of _everything_ he hadn’t let himself indulge in four nights ago. He could feel the power coiled underneath Buck’s skin, pinned as he was. He could feel the heat of his body even through the uniform and the gadgets now digging into them.

Their mouths moved together desperately, re-mapping familiar territory over and over again with every press of them on hot skin. Eddie moved his mouth to pepper kisses along the smoothness of Buck’s jaw, trailing lower to the now-healed bruise there.

This time, they weren’t searching for a release. This kiss was rough, angry, punishing. At the same token, it was loving, warm and sent an inferno blazing through each other. 

“Ed-Eddie, wait.” He stopped immediately at the breathless words, backing away only a few inches but keeping Buck against the wall. His cerulean eyes searched Eddie’s curiously as the two caught their breath. “What are we doing?”

He dropped his head, trying to string together enough words to form a coherent enough sentence. “I meant what I said that night. I do love you, I’m _in_ love with you.” Buck was watching him warily, but he was listening.

“A drunken confession after soaking my brain in alcohol is not how I wanted to say the words but I meant them. I swear it to you, I meant them.” Eddie croaked out, throat closing up.

“I believe you,” he said simply. Because of course he did, it was _Buck._ “Is that what you were thinking about in the truck? That why you wanted to get shit-faced? Because you were running from it?”

It wasn’t accusatory by any means, but Eddie flinched anyway, taking a step back. Buck didn’t let him go any further, holding onto his hand. “I’m not trying to blame you for anything. I just need to wrap my head around this, Eddie.”

_“Remember Eddie, communication is key. If you want people to understand where you’re coming from, tell them outright.”_

Frank’s words echoed in his mind, and with Buck’s hand in his, anchoring them to each other, Eddie wanted to do nothing _but_ convey everything he had bottled up and let them cascade out. 

“Partially,” he admitted quietly, running his free hand through his hair. “When you jumped into the basket, I was thinking about you and...how good you looked doing it. Kind of the last straw in a never-ending supply of quirks that made me love you.”

It was difficult, piecing together words that had always been kept hidden from view. In the army and all throughout his childhood, Eddie had been so used to words being spoken only when necessary and feelings always guarded by lock and key. 

All of a sudden, faced with a situation where he was being asked to voice them aloud felt like a hook yanking at the chains, the words struggling to break free from their rigid manacles. But with one look at Buck’s earnest expression, so open and trusting, all of his apprehension melted. 

Suddenly, the words came easier.

“Then I heard Sophie tell her mom that she and her dad needed therapy...which got me down a spiral of other thoughts. Things that I feel guilty about, truths that I can’t bear to face right now.”

“Like?” Buck prompted in a low voice, running his thumb absently over Eddie’s knuckles.

“Like how I stopped seeing Shannon as my wife long before she even came back,” Eddie confessed woefully, tightening his grip on their hands. “Would Christopher have asked us to do something like that? Go to therapy?” Buck seemed to contemplate that for a moment. Eddie felt the familiar warmth blooming in his chest at how Buck always made sure to give advice based on truth and not from bias. 

“I think Christopher would want whatever made you guys happy. I can’t tell you if he would have asked, but I do know that you would have tried regardless to make it work.”

“I’m the one who fucked it up first,” Eddie said bitterly, wondering how they’d gotten from kissing each other senseless to talking about this. “Got so full of myself that I started calling all the shots in the house. That was strike one. Strike two was not even talking to her about them. Strike three was coming back home a damaged man.”

Buck immediately made a noise of protest at that, shaking his head. “You’ve damn well learned from those, Eddie, and you’re _trying._ You go to therapy even though you don’t like it, you re-evaluate everything before you do it, you’re trying to communicate better, and you’re...you’re putting in the work. That’s what’s important.”

Each word was laced with genuinity. Eddie tugged on their hands to bring them even closer to each other than they already were, leaning forward to press their foreheads together reverently. His next words were a soft murmur but with no lack of conviction, “I don’t think I deserve you, but I’m damn well going to try to be the person that does.”

“You already are, Eddie. You already do,” Buck smiled, kissing him sweetly again before flashing an impish grin. “You know, if we’re talking about how hot we both are, I’d already thought the same thing about you during the grenade rescue. Your arms were just _in front of me_ and so damn sexy.”

Eddie laughed, even as a flush crawled up his face. He could thirst over Buck any day but hearing him do the same made him feel shy. They were grinning giddily at each other, making no move to let go of the other anytime soon. 

“Well, I already told you in _vivid_ detail how I felt about the hot air balloon rescue, but then there was also the apartment fire. The one we jumped across the building for.”

“Don’t forget your whole Spider-man routine, climbing that building like a pro.”

“The pregnant woman, the one who ended up being a miracle. Seeing you with that baby…” No matter how guilty it’d made him feel, Eddie had caught a serious case of baby fever at seeing a baby cradled in only one of Buck’s arms. He’d had a vivid image flash across his mind of Buck humming to his own child, gently rocking them to sleep. The mere thought had nearly brought him to his knees with _want_.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware this was going to be a _contest._ ”

Eddie laughed lightly, dragging Buck back into another kiss. “No, it’s a worthy appreciation of you.”

It was proving difficult to resist him, now that their feelings were out in the open. Eddie had half a mind to haul Buck close, eliminating the rest of the distance between them. By the way Buck’s eyes lingered on his lips, he wasn’t altogether unaffected either. 

“We should-we should probably get back to work,” Buck whispered, unable to resist leaving another press of his lips at the corner of Eddie’s mouth.

Eddie agreed, but laughed as they kept tugging one another back. There was a desperation to keep Buck close, now that he _could_. He hooked his fingers into his belt loop to pull him close for one final kiss before using the grip to push him away.

“Okay. Okay, you go first,” Eddie chuckled, tucking his hands under his armpits to stop himself from reaching out to Buck. The other man just shrugged and stepped away from the wall.

Eddie laughed as he caught sight of Buck’s normally-pristine uniform. There were streaks of white plaster printed across various places on the dark fabric, other brands from Eddie slamming him back into the wall.

Buck turned to see why he was laughing, swearing loudly as he caught sight of his own clothes. He moved to wipe it off, as much as he could reach. The action looked like a dog chasing his own tail, only succeeding in making Eddie laugh harder.

“Yeah, laugh it up Diaz. You did this, baby.”

His laughter died down as another memory lashed across his mind.

_“I like when you call me baby, you should do that more often.”_

“Did I tell you to call me that?” Another wave of horror crashed through him. 

Exactly how many humiliating things had Eddie done that night?

Buck smirked. “Yup.” He popped the ‘p’, letting out a whooping laugh as he whistled merrily, strutting away.

Those damn _hips_. 

He remembered those hips under his hands, rolling right in sync with his own. That didn’t stop the younger man from adding an additional swing to his hips as he sashayed back into the station, and if the wink he shot Eddie over his shoulder was any indication, Buck knew _exactly_ what he was doing. 

Eddie glared holes into Buck’s now-invisible frame, cursing long and low under his breath with words that would’ve had his Abuela washing his mouth out with soap. He tried to think of every disgusting call under the sun to cool the sudden fire coursing through him. 

Despite the situation, he was unable to stop the giddy smile spreading across his face. He gave it a minute before biting his lip and following Buck back in, willing his body to stop lunging for his best friend.

Yeah, _definitely_ the last straw.

* * *

 _You win my love  
_ _You steal my heart_  
 _You’re my drug of choice_  
 _What could I do?_

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Kudos and Comments are welcome :)
> 
> Title comes from the song ‘Sober’ by Taps, a song that never fails to tug on heartstrings (and is perfect for the bar scene); the last four lines also come from this song.
> 
> There are lyrics from ‘Animal’ by Nine Inch Nails above as well, which is a highly explicit song so listen at your own discretion again lol 
> 
> You can find us on tumblr at [ao3theskyisblue](https://ao3theskyisblue.tumblr.com) and [zeethebooknerd](https://zeethebooknerd.tumblr.com)


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